06/06/2026
Sometimes I look at older photos of myself and miss that girl…..that wild spirit!
Not because she was younger.
Not because she looked different.
But because she seemed so free.
Lately I’ve been thinking about how many versions of ourselves we become as we move through life. The woman I am now is stronger, wiser, more grounded and more capable than she ever was. I know that.
But I also carry more. More uncertainty, pressure, responsibility…
For a long time, the fertility journey I’ve been on has taken up so much space in my heart, my body, my mind and my relationship. It has taught me a lot. It’s given me a lot too. But if I’m honest, sometimes it creates this feeling that I’m standing still.
I know that I am moving forward. It’s just hard to see it because the goal I’ve been working towards the hardest still feels so far away.
And I think that’s what gets me sometimes.
Because when the thing you want most feels out of reach, it can be easy to forget everything else.
When I really think about it, the evidence is everywhere.
The music I’ve released.
The communities I’ve helped build.
The friendships I’ve made.
The relationship Hannes and I have fought hard for.
The fact that at nearly 40, I’m still willing to bet on myself wholeheartedly.
I can see it when I look at it logically.
I just don’t always feel it.
I think a lot of women know this feeling.
We have bad news and then answer emails.
We cry in the car and then show up to work.
We go through things that completely knock the wind out of us and somehow still remember to buy groceries, call our friends back and ask everyone else how they’re doing.
Sometimes I think we’re carrying far more than anyone realizes or can see.
So I guess this is just a reminder to myself today.
Just because the thing I want most hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean my life is on hold.
And maybe that wild, free-spirited girl is still here.
She just looks a little different now. 📸