06/05/2026
This is a long one folks but after 4 years of being houseless; after losing everything I worked so hard for, for over a decade...I am finally getting a new beginning! Keys to my new place & moving in today!
I want everyone who is caught up in a toxic cycle (of any kind) to know that all I lost in material & relatationships was nothing compared to what I lost in spirit, life, identity, youth, time & missed opportunities all because I stayed in a very abusive relationship far longer than I should have.
It has been 4 years of minimal contact & at least 2 years of absolutely none at all, and still...so many things remind me of the abuse every single day, I may have left it, but it doesn't leave me. While I AM proud of who I am today, I will never be who I could have been without that experience.
My ex-husband will tell you he never once physically harmed me... that wouldn't be true. Though he may believe it, it happened.
He will tell you he never once violated me. That wouldn't be true either. It happened. Multiple times.
He will tell you he never once threatened me, others around me, or my life or theirs. It happened. Multiple times.
He will only remember the good moments or what I did to contribute to our downfall (which was in truth, doomed from the start). That's what I used to do too...it was only time and distance that allowed my head to clear and I saw things for what they really were; I was never loved in that relationship. I was never truly cared for. I was a come-up, nothing more. After 12 years, I eventually checked out, but I still didn't leave. It had to get ugly first. It does NOT have be that way for you.
Then I left and I got to explore friendships & connections where a lot of the same patterns were just repeating themselves because I didn't know healthy love. I didn't know authenticity.
Today, I spend a lot of time alone just building myself. Some days are really hard. Some rare days, I'll be honest, I don't even want to live anymore. But then.... it gets better. I thankfully keep pushing through those difficult days because I remember that it ALWAYS gets better.
It is scary to move forward. It is scary to move on. It is even scary to fathom 1 day you could be happy and safe. But I am doing it anyway. If my only purpose in life is to break cycles, Then I will continue to try my hardest to do so each day because Creator gave me a second chance.
I am not happy all day, every day. That is a social media farse. I am complicated and traumatised. But not for 1 second, do I regret walking away from an ongoing deep-seated intergenerational cycle of addiction, domestic violence and family violence. Including in my own family history.
One final thing, if you are planning an exit from ANY kind of toxic cycle, remember while you're in the process of rebuilding your life: not everyone needs to know your moves, where you live, your plans, who you're sleeping with or giving your love to. The main thing people should know is if you are suffering in silence. I encourage you to be brave and tell someone because telling someone is the first step toward escaping and ending the cycle for good.
May delete later, because that is my Right. I'll share it for as long as I feel like sharing it.
We are happy today, and I will continue to take it one damn day a time.
Love,
Mel xoxo
