01/09/2020
Imposter syndrome
When the thought for this shoot popped into my head one night (in a dream might I add) I told myself no way would anyone be excited to be involved. I told myself all the mean and nasty things under the sun. Who are you to want to create change in the lives of women, let alone women you don’t know. People will think I’m for lack of a better word *crazy*, people will think I’m attention seeking, no one will come, it will fail, you aren’t anyone so don’t even try.
I sat with the idea for days and I couldn’t get the vision out of my head.
I finally approached Carly and asked if she’d be keen to photograph it & bring the vision to life. I thought she’d say no. I told myself again, you’re silly. She won’t want to do that, she’ll think you’re dumb. Lo and behold she said yes, straight away. I freaked out but I was excited. Someone else could see what I could see. I made it happen.
The imposter in my head didn’t leave until we began the first shoot. I wanted to can the whole idea, I was afraid. Of failing, of it not being everything I dreamt it would be. I was afraid of letting the women down. All the feelings of who are you, what are you even getting out of this, they crept right in and tried to make a cosy house for themselves in my brain. I persevered and the outcome was nothing short of magic.
To create change we need to step into the most uncomfortable and confronting parts of ourselves. We need to look beyond the what if’s as if they can only be negative and look at the what if’s that can be beautiful. What if I fail turned into how can I fail if women are here to bring love back to themselves. What if these women will discover things about themselves that they’ve never been able to see before? What if we create a connection, a community? What if I could ACTUALLY change some of these women’s lives? Turns out, I did. We did, together.
The imposter still wants to creep in, she’s a pain in the ass but I managed to move her out of the way and in turn broke down some of my own layers. We all have our things. We all have layers *insert shrek onions have layers quote here 🙊* but one by one we can peel them back and expose our true core self.
I am working hard on my imposter syndrome. It’s no easy feat. It’s actually really hard and really scary, but REALLY worth it. I was put here to raise the vibration of the universe. Im not letting that nasty little gal in my head take over anymore. My only wish is that you can do that too. Together we are the change makers.